By Gary Griffiths, CEO
“Dude, what is it you don’t get? I mean, TV? Seriously? You really expect me to flip through some half-assed on-screen guide that looks like a bad net bulletin board from the 80s and I’m supposed to find something to watch with that? And besides, why do you even have a TV? Do you expect me to sit here and just watch it – I mean, sitting? Still? What is it about ADD you don’t get? Or do you expect me to just buy a mile-long extension cable and lug this thing around with me. Have you heard of mobility? Don’t worry about your FitBit – you won’t wear it out by actually moving. Oh, sorry man. But no, I don’t have time to explain what a FitBit is. If you don’t know, you may be a vegetable after all.”
“And don’t tell me what is was like when you were a kid. I really don’t care about soup cans connected with a string. And books? Like you actually read them? I need to be mobile. I need to be connected. I am connected – all of the time. Snapchat, Wickr, Slingshot, Periscope. Twitter Moments. iHeartRadio. Don’t you get it? If it’s not live broadcast, it’s dead, man. And maybe you are too.”
“So now I’m working, and my lame-ass boss is telling me I’m not supposed to use public Wi-Fi? What century was he born? Like the 70s? What a dork. They even gave me paper – and a pen – when I started here. Does he actually expect me to write something? To communicate? I’m surprised I didn’t get a stack of wood and a pack of matches, too. He probably even uses his phone to order take out – and then goes and picks it up.”
“And don’t even start on cellular. My dad went to Europe last month – said he paid $60 bucks on top of his already outrageous cell bill for 300MB of data? 300MB? What the hell! That’s like a trailer! What do they think he does? Email? So funny.”
“Look, I’m twenty-four years old. I kinda remember seeing a phone in the house that had a wire attached, but maybe that was on YouTube. Whatever. I gotta be connected – all of the time. Everywhere. Air, water, bread, dope, and Wi-Fi, dude. What is it about survival you don’t understand?